There are many different types of love — for partners, relatives, friends, even for nature and for the world around us. But where does love come from? And how do we know whether the love we feel is true Love?
In movies and stories we are often confronted with the one type of love we know best: romantic love. Yet, according to writer C.S. Lewis, this is just one aspect of love. There are more categories:
The love we can feel for romantic partners, family members, or friends is known to most of us. Then, there is a fourth type that exists regardless of conditions or circumstances.
C.S. Lewis recognizes this unconditional, universal love as the greatest of all loves. He sees it as sacred and part of the divine. From now on we will refer to this type of love as Love with capital L.
Every relationship includes a mix of different love styles depending on the participants and the context. However, in all cases there is an open connection and a flow of energy between the beloved. As long as the relationship is fed with energy, it comes alive and love can blossom.
Over time, people change and the type of love also changes. It sometimes diminishes and may even disappear. Most of us are familiar with the pain and frustrations of unanswered love. These fluctuations of feelings remind us that the natural love we know is not true Love.
The Bible speaks of Love in a very different sense:
Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7
How to Love this way?
If we try, we will realize that true Love cannot be trained and cultivated. It rather is a manifestation of something more mysterious. To understand this, let us turn again to the New Testament:
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is Love.
1 John 4:8
And:
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his Love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: he has given us of his Spirit.
1 John 4:12–13
However you choose to interpret the word “God” does not matter: ancient texts are not always meant to be understood literally. It is enough to realize that Love is a mysterious force that can work through us. And that it can be experienced in the interaction with one another. We simply have to (re)connect with this divine power.
As nature born humans, we are not always aware of “God” in us. We are not always consciously connected. The reason for this disconnect can also be found in the Bible:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
(Matthew 7:1–5)
For most of us, our habits and automatic reactions have been built on the basis of self-maintenance and our subjective evaluation of situations. We view the world from our own limited perspective.
The problem with this subjectivity is that we do not have a clear view of ourselves (or of others). Most subjective evaluations are inaccurate, thus our judgement is standing in the way between us and reality.
Because of criticism and judgement (of ourselves or others) we close down and separate ourselves through inner walls. In this state of separation and non-acceptance, there is no room for Love.
Enlighten yourself and become aware of the automatic reactions in you.
When we truly understand ourselves, we realize that at our core we are no different from the people we judge. All of us have flaws that are actually very similar to the flaws of others we criticize.
By accepting ourselves with all our shortcomings, we open our inner being to more and more creatures and to the world around us, and thus Love has more opportunities to grow and flourish within us.
Ultimately, we will be able to forgive others and ourselves. We can then let go of all barriers, all habits and automatic reactions, that stand in the way between us and Love.
In a participatory process with like-minded people, a space will be created in which others seeking “God” can be accepted. It is a continuous process of gaining understanding, accepting and forgiving.
Once we are freed from the barriers, our habits and automatic reactions, we are increasingly able to openly share and receive Love.
Thus, the true Love that is for everyone and everything will gradually manifest and become alive within us.
